Magnificent Obsessions: What I am Learning from Learning

It’s a Long Way           

It’s a long way the sea-winds blow

Over the sea-plains blue, —

But longer far has my heart to go

Before its dreams come true.

It’s work we must, and love we must,

And do the best we may,

And take the hope of dreams in trust

To keep us day by day.

 It’s a long way the sea-winds blow—

 But somewhere lies a shore—

Thus down the tide of Time shall flow

My dreams forevermore.

William Stanley Braithwaite

Is there something in your life—an activity, a skill that you simply love and would love to do or do better? Have you brushed aside some dream or desire with the thought that you don’t have the talent for it, and it would be a waste of your time?

Have you had an infatuation with someone else’s skill or gift that you wish you had?

Take heart –these dreams and desires are not lost nor wasted. They are a part of you waiting to come forth. With the right care, they may over time turn into a love. If you will feed these dreams, these passions, these desires of yours, with the appropriate regular actions, are patient with yourself—your heart and your mind and your body will expand to receive more. You will grow.

Secret Agent Man

When I was fifteen years old, Johnny Rivers had a mega-hit with his “Secret Agent Man”. I was playing around with an old guitar at the time, and I was hit with a strong desire to be able to play it. I knew little about playing the guitar—a couple of chords. But I knew I had to learn this song.

I spent six hours alone in the basement working out the melody of the song from his record. I didn’t stop to eat. I didn’t move from my chair until I could play it through without a mistake. I will never forget the feeling I had in being able to do something I never thought I could. This lesson found a lodging place in my brain and has never left.

Falling in Love with Your Dream

“One of the most powerful wellsprings of creative energy and outstanding accomplishment, and self-fulfillment seems to be falling in love with something-your image of the future. “E. Paul Torrance

In Scott Barry Kaufman and Carolyn Gregoire’s wonderful book Wired to Create, they write;

“When four year old Jaqueline du Pre first heard the sound of the cello on the radio, she immediately told her mother ‘That is the sound I want to make.’ The first time Jaqueline played the cello, she exclaimed to her mother in delight ‘I do so love my cello!’ Du Pre’s mother was amazed at the depth of feeling behind those words and could then envision for her daughter a lifetime commitment to the instrument.”

Dreams do not have to be heroic or marked with exceptionalism. They can be an image of yourself doing something you always wanted to do, but for a multitude of reasons have not done. I have written about some of my Realized Dreams: Boston Strong, Report from the Eugene Marathon, The Summit of Rainier, Poetry in the Park)

In all these accomplishments, if you compared me with others I am and will always be at the amateur level. My dreams were never to win, or to be the best, or to achieve notoriety. My dreams were to simply get in the game and participate. To do something I never thought I could or would. That is enough.

I have ignored more of these subtle but persistent desires than I have accepted. If I had not accepted these initial thoughts, impressions, idea’s or vague wishes for what they were –an initial passion, I would not have taken concrete action towards them. Instead, I would still be daydreaming about them today.

In “Wired to Create”, the writers discuss the notion of Crystallizing Experiences: A moment, an experience, or an activity that shouts out “This is me. This is what I want to do. This is what I want and need in my life.” They describe ‘initial ‘experiences when one falls head over heals for this thing, this activity. What follows then is a longer-term ‘refining crystallizing’ experience, when through specific follow-up actions the initial idea begins to take form and root. I experienced this process with all my own dream fulfillment experiences.

I remember when I first decided to go for a three-mile run, then deciding to do that every day. Then adding 2-3 miles to that. Then, I looked at marathon training plans and realized I was already in week three of a 16-week plan that would carry me 26.2 miles. That was my refining crystallizing experience. So, I signed for the Eugene!

I remember several years ago watching a folk band play at a fund-raiser. For some unknown reason I could not take my eyes off the banjo player. It was a full band with an upright base, fiddle, mandolin, and guitar as well. But I fixated on the banjo. I fell in love with the instrument over others. At that moment, I wanted to be a banjo player. That was my initial crystallizing experience.

My refining experience came after borrowing my brother -in-laws banjo, letting it sit in the corner of my office for three months, staring at me, daring me to try to play it. “Who do you think you are? Earl Scruggs?  You’re just a middle manager way past your prime”.  I swear that banjo snickered at me.

Feeling taunted and defeated before I had even tried, I nevertheless picked it up, looked at some blue grass you-tube videos. The instructors all went from slow to lightning fast in two minutes—as if that would encourage me. It’s now confirmed. I have no talent for this.

I stumbled upon an instructor of a different style of playing that I connected with and started following his method. It was slow going, but I was loving every minute. Within weeks I was playing songs on the banjo by heart. Not Earl Scruggs, but good enough to give me that sense of accomplishment, fulfillment, and love for an activity. I was hooked into a magnificent obsession through a learning process.

The Author Thomas Armstrong says these crystallizing experiences, which propel people to their destiny (or to a higher level of life-fulfillment) are the “sparks that light an intelligence and start its development toward maturity.”

The Talent vs. Persistence Debate

I believe what stops so many of us from moving beyond our “Initial Crystallizing” moments, and allowing them to die a slow death before moving into that “refining crystallization” phase of dream realization and fulfillment, is the false idea we just don’t have the talent or capabilities to succeed.

Studies after studies have proven that whatever you decide you want to do, you can progress. You can get better. You can improve to a place where you are satisfied, fulfilled, and enjoying the activity. People don’t quit their passions because they can’t do it. They quit because they lose desire. And they lose desire when they don’t see the value of regular, persistent training and practice.

I believe that a disciplined approach to activities we love gives the results that others interpret as talent. Writers succeed not because of a superhuman talent, but because they love the process and they don’t stop. They write for the love of it, and that brings them to a level of competency and fluency in their craft that satisfies them. The same goes for all other activities where skill, competency and fluency can grow.

I don’t have a talent for alpining. I love it and have trained and educated myself. I don’t have a natural gift for writing poetry. I am not a gifted runner. My foot doctor said I had no business running. But I love how it makes me feel, so I practice it. And I am surely not a gifted musician, but I love playing my banjo, so I practice. Daily discipline separates those who achieve from those who don’t. Talent is not in the equation when you are looking only for personal fulfillment, pleasure, and meaning.

Something magical happens when we stay at something through the initial stages of learning-when we work through all the successive stages of “sucking” at something. I sucked at playing “Secret Agent Man” for five and a half of those six hours. We all suck at what we do at the beginning, and sometimes into the middle. At some point something converges, and what a moment before seemed impossible, we do.

I was struggling for weeks playing a song on the banjo. Each day I practiced, it seemed I was not any better at it than the day before. This went on for a week. Then one day, I started playing the song, and it fell into place in one moment. I had it. It came so suddenly that it seemed magical.

I understand now that that is just how our brains learn. We learn in spurts, but only when we are putting in the hours of mundane, repetitive practice and training. And without that, most of us give up way too early on our loves and passions and just excuse ourselves by saying “well, I just don’t have the talent for that”.

Don’t believe the lies you tell yourself. If you want a Pulitzer prize or an Olympic medal or an Oscar, you will need some talent.  But if you want personal pleasure and self-fulfillment through your loves, be willing to put yourself on the line for the things you have a love for. Put time into it every day. Talent, with immense work and dedication, can lead to exceptionalism. But that is not what drives me. What drives me is my desire for a basic fluency and competency in the things I love to do.

This is within reach for all of us, wherever our passions and interests lie.

You Can’t Do Everything

We have all heard the fancy motivational speakers say, “you can do anything you want if you put your mind to it”. Well, I have my doubts about that. But I do know that if you want to realize your dreams, you will have to choose some things over others. There will be trade-offs.

A heart that is resolved to make progress at something is also willing to make some concessions in their life and in how they spend their time. What are you willing to lay aside for your love, for your passion, for your keen interests?

I am not willing to lay aside my spiritual practices, my family and close relationships, and a few specific community involvements. The rest of my life is a negotiation with myself on what it is I want out of life. So, if I want to continue to realize dreams and grow into my passions, I must nurture those loves— I have to make choices around my time.

I have to turn off the TV, get off the social networks, stop random surfing the internet for the latest trends, and on and on. This is the price of fulfilling our dreams and becoming proficient in our passions.

The Long View

Now that I am approaching my seventh decade on this planet, you might think, “Why start now to learn something new, or pursue a long-denied passion?”

Because I believe the quality of my life, no matter what stage I am in, depends on learning new things, and progressing deeper in those things that bring fulfillment and meaning. I feel so gratified and enriched when I grow in some skill and expand my experience after several months of focused work.

I have a list of other things I may want to pursue. I want to be a better cook. I want to be a better gardener. I may want to try painting. I want to get better at singing. I have learned through experience that talent has nothing to do with me getting better at what I want to get better at.

And when I think I may have twenty years left to practice my banjo, my writing, and whatever I may want to add to my list of passions… that’s a long time to get pretty “OK”.

By the way—I can still play “Secret Agent Man”

Kind Regards,

Bob