The Art of Giving

The Art of Giving

It is Christmas time- the season of special music, lights, social and family gatherings, city and church events, parades, and of course, shopping for, wrapping, and giving gifts.

The giving of gifts became associated with Christmas so long ago that I suspect many of us are not exactly sure why we are doing it.

Being my age, I have necessarily experienced many Christmases, and with that experience I have come to realize that the custom is in fact an incredibly good exercise in the art of giving gifts.

Like any art, a gift can range from a haphazard attempt to fulfill an expectation that has become an obligation (Christmas, Birthdays, Weddings, Baby Showers, etc) to a gift that seems to come from another place, an inspiration that flows from a heart of love. That is the source of all art- therefore I speak of the “art of Giving”.

I recently read a wonderful book simply titled “The Gift”. Not to be confused with the popular romance story by Richard Paul Evans, the author of this book is Lewis Hyde. In the book, Hyde draws a stark contrast between the cold economy of commodity exchange of goods and services, to the economy of gift-giving, where gifts originate from some source outside or beyond ourselves, are given freely away with no expectation of return, only to find that the gift multiplies as it flows through one person after the next-always returning in a different form to the original giver.

Lewis explained that this is how the arts remain alive-not through commodity exchange -but through the giving of the self to others. And, unlike commodity exchange where only the commodities are shared, in gift giving, mutual life is exchanged, and community is formed. As Hyde says, ” when a part of the self is given away, that community appears.”

It’s the classic “Little Drummer Boy” principle. The drummer boy could not give to the baby Jesus anything like the three wisemen did, for all he had was his rudimentary skill at tapping on a primitive drum. So that is what he gave—he gave all he had.

The arts, literature, and music today has entered into the big business of commodity exchange, royalty fights, intellectual property disputes, etc. Yet, there are many stories of great artists who died poor and unknown in their time. I recently attended the Vincent Van Gough interactive exhibit—and was deeply moved not only by his art, but by the fact that as an artist –he had to paint, no matter whether it sold or not. He died, having sold just one painting in his life, and today each one is worth millions.

In art, and in life, that is what we give. Whatever it is we have.

I am a writer. When I think of writing for publication, for money, for recognition, I go blank. When I think of how to give something to another without hope of return, I am given something to write.

I am also an amateur musician. I realized early on when I played in front of people, I would freeze up, and forget the song I could play so well on my own. This was because I was playing for something-I wanted to show you what I had learned. I was looking for recognition. I wanted something from you.

When I switched my emphasis to the song itself-as a gift to me, that I could in turn give out to others by playing it, I played much better. My playing went from a commodity exchange to a gift.

Whatever it is we are giving this Christmas, the physical gift is only a symbol. It can be a symbol of a duty fulfilled-a commodity where the return is relief that it is done (Think of Bill Murray in “Scrooge” giving his brother a VCR player and everyone else towels)— or, it can be a symbol of our gratitude that flows from love.

Once more from Lewis Hyde, “The self becomes the gifted self—prolific, green—when it recognizes the stuff of its experience, its talents, and products of its labor to be gifts, endowments.”

I have watched my wife for years perfect the art of gift-giving. She brings her entire self into the process, so that in the end, the gifts she gives are so clearly an extension of her heart to another. And the results are so clearly seen in the eyes of the recipient.

The difference, once more, is the authenticity of the gift that we bring to it.

The one thing I become aware of this Christmas is that the very act of our being is a gift. The created world is a gift, and so are we all. Now, what do we do with this gift of our life we have been given?

I think of how different we all are-how each of us are created and patterned uniquely, and because of this, each one of us have unique gifts to share. If I open my eyes, while I see differences in people everywhere and all the time, I will see these differences as a shower of gifts into the world.

In a world that turns on the commodity exchange system, it desperately needs these gifts. We need gifts that come from authentic expressions of gratitude. These expressions can take on a myriad of forms—the least of which are physical.

Take for instance the classic Corporal and Spiritual works of mercy:

• Feed the hungry. …
• Give drink to the thirsty. …
• Clothe the naked. …
• Shelter the homeless. …
• Visit the sick. …
• Visit the imprisoned. …
• Bury the dead.
• To instruct the ignorant.
• To counsel the doubtful. …
• To admonish the sinner. …
• To bear wrongs patiently. …
• To forgive offenses willingly. …
• To comfort the afflicted. …
• To pray for others.

When practiced, these are nothing less than gifts. I hope I will always be able to recount the number of times I have been supported by friends, family, and sometimes strangers by their words of encouragement, counsel, wisdom, or by their generosity in helping me in some way.

This is the economy of giving. This is giving without expectation. We all know what it is like to be in need of something, and then have that need met unexpectedly by the generosity and thoughtfulness of another. What is even better, is knowing how it feels to be the one who for some odd reason is selected to be the gift bearer.

There are no minor gifts. There is only a choice. Do I trade a commodity, or do I give to another what I have been given. That is what Christmas giving reminds me of this year.

Merry Christmas to you

Bob