Peace I Give to You

Yes, today’s world is turbulent. Whether or not it is any more than past generations, centuries, or millenniums, I will let the historians work that out.

I do know that even the smallest doses of current events can raise my anxiety, frustration, and irritability. So I control my diet of news carefully.

What I do know is that while I have little control over the events of the world, or even of the immediate events of my daily life, I can determine the level of peace and serenity that I have every day, all day long.

For inner peace to have any value, it must be leaning up next to trouble. If I tell you I have experience with inner peace, I must also tell you I have had experience with trouble. And who hasn’t?

In the twenty-four months between October 1999 and September 2001 I was in the middle of the greatest storm of my life. During a portion of that time I saw a counselor.

I had been seeing my counselor Dave for a few sessions now. He was a tall, lanky, scholarly looking man in his early fifties. One day as I sat in his cramped office on his old couch, I began telling him the events of the past few weeks. While I was speaking, Dave interrupted.

“Bob, I don’t know if you are aware that there is a widely accepted list of the top ten reasons or sources of depression, anxiety, and suicidal impulses. You have the top eight all at the same time. How do you feel?”

He was exactly right. In the last eighteen months, my list look liked this;

1. Relationship Breakdown/Divorce———CHECK
2. Death of (4) immediate family members-CHECK
3. Estranged from children———————CHECK
4. Fired from long-time employment——–CHECK
5. Loss of my Home——————————-CHECK
6. Struggling with Addiction & Recovery—-CHECK
7. Moving away from my hometown———CHECK
8. Starting a new job in a new location——-CHECK

“Fine”, I replied. He almost laughed out loud. “Really?”

“Yes, really”.

I was telling Dave the truth. For the first time in many years I sensed what Julian of Norwich famously said “All is well, and every manner of thing will be well”.

Dave could not know this, which explains his incredulity. Dave was not there with me several months earlier to see me kneeling down in an Alabama jail cell praying to a God I had forgotten about as I waited for bail for driving under the influence. He had no way of knowing the depth of my despair or how lost I was. I had reached the end of myself and was now completely willing to reach out to some kind of higher power that would help me—no, save me from myself. It was in those moments on the floor of the jail that I experienced an inner shift. It is where I first felt inner peace—a peace independent of outside events and circumstances.

Peace is a gift—a gift that comes from God. It flows from a place of hope. Pain without hope leads to despair. Pain with hope leads to transformation.

Peace flows from an ongoing act of letting go of self-sufficiency in order to trust in a good God.

Peace is not the absence of trouble. Peace is the presence of trust.

Hear what Jesus says about where peace comes from:

 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

I had absolutely no idea if or how or when things would change. My life circumstances were still a total wreck. I just knew that something inside me had changed— and that was where life is really lived.

In the book “Alcoholics Anonymous” there is listed a series of promises to those who follow the actions prescribed in the book. These promises are read in 12 step meetings several times daily in thousands of cities all over the world. Chief among this is this one;

“We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.”

And my personal favorite, not included in this list, but later in the book;

“When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God’s hands were better than anything we could have planned. Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances!”

Yes! Peace requires some perspective, a look back over our lives, to see how all along, even in the darkest times, we have been taken care of, and how things worked out—though at the time we saw no way. And it is in looking back that trust in the present and in the future grows. For if I have placed my life in Gods hands, and he has taken care of me in the past, why would I think  this would change now or in the future? It is through this hope and trust that peace enters.

It seems silly to describe what peace feels like, but if you have lived in a state of inner turmoil and anxiety like I had for years, peace feels initially strange and uncomfortable. But with time, it becomes the essence of a good life.

When I am at peace, it doesn’t really matter what is going on around me. It’s like being a scuba diver underneath the surface of the sea. The sea could be broiling in turbulence, but the diver only experiences calmness. She most probably knows the sea is rough, but it does not affect her.

Inner peace does not mean that I ignore my circumstances, or that I am ambivalent to the serious problems and challenges going on in my life or in the world. But it does allow me to walk through them with prudence, perspective, and wisdom.

One of my roles is as the chief security officer for my company. In this role, I have learned that a “cool head” is a requirement, for in the middle of a crisis or emergency, there are critical observations and decisions that must be made, and only when one is detached enough to see the whole picture can one make right decisions. Inner peace is what allows one to see with right perspective.

This inner peace is today for me a sort of “Umpire” of my soul. It’s like I have a “Peace Barometer” in the middle of my chest by which I can tell if I am out of balance with life. When I begin to sense that vague yet familiar onset of anxiety, irritability, restlessness, discontent—then I know I am forgetting whose hands I am in.

These feelings are indicators that I have begun to grasp for something—I grasp or hold tight to some expectation I have of how things should be going, or what I should be getting—even if it seems right and reasonable. I expect my children to be happy, to not suffer. When I hold tightly to that, I am constantly worried about them. I suffer, and I lose perspective.

When I am at peace, I feel a sense of calmness and serenity. I see more clearly. I can see farther. I am not caught up but am free—free to assess and gain perspective.

Letting go of my need to grasp is not easy. It is not an instantaneous choice. It is an ongoing process of letting go of more and more of my grasping at expectations and releasing my hold.

As the old saying goes, to live in peace is to wear this world “as a loose garment”.

The starting place is to believe in the giver of peace—in the one who holds you and yours, and when it is all said and done, we will all agree with Julian “All is well, and every manner of thing is well”.

I leave you with the classic (long version) serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr;

God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This broken world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

May the peace of God fill your heart….

Bob