How the Practice of Self-Examine Can Set You Free

For the wise have always known that no one can make much of their life until self-searching has become a regular habit, until they are able to admit and accept what they find, and until they patiently and persistently try to correct what is wrong. – Bill Wilson

The unexamined life is not worth living —Socrates

It is the middle of Lent, the liturgical season of practicing self-reflection, penance, and experiencing renewal. So, last night, as part of my Lenten practice, I stepped into the tiny confessional at my local Parish – with the usual anxiety– mixed with hope.

As a life-long Catholic, you would think after all these years of practicing confession it would be just another deal, and yet, I had all these same childhood thoughts as I waited my turn in line:

“I am making too big a deal out of some little stuff.”

“I didn’t really hurt anyone. “

“I am sure the person in line in front of me did much the same.”

—or, “No one in line would ever think of doing what I have done.”

and the big one: “What is the priest going to think?”

Then, I think to myself, “Who am I trying to kid. God, you know everything about me, everything I have done, or what I have not done ( Psalm 139 ), and just as I would never stop loving or caring for my kids-no matter what, even more than that, you would never stop caring and loving me. So, here goes!”

I sat down in front of my priest, and let it all out, telling what I thought was the worst first. Nodding his head in understanding, he gave me some words of encouragement, and some prayers to recite, and absolution.

What happens next is unexplainable, unless you have experienced for yourself true forgiveness of your shortcomings and your sins.

I walked out of the confessional feeling a free man, connected to both God and my fellows as if I had just been born. At least for now, nothing was separating me from God nor others.

For those of us in recovery from addictions, we know as well as anyone the power of a sincere and honest self-examine, followed by a frank and honest talk with a trusted person about our faults. The fourth and fifth steps of the twelve- step process are considered milestones in recovery. Those who go through this portion have a very good chance of entering into a life of freedom from addiction. That is how powerful the process of self-examination and confession is.

Eighteen and a half years ago, I was just three months sober, had labored for a month over a life-long self-examine in the fourth step, and had scheduled a Saturday morning talk with my friend. I sat down in his living room with a cup of coffee. I was extremely nervous, and yet I somehow sensed these next several hours were the key to a new and better life for me. As we began, my friend said, “Bob, the most powerful sound your ears will ever hear is the sound of your own voice telling the truth about yourself”. There is just something about sitting knee-to-knee with a trusted friend and admitting out loud your faults or your needs. Again, as it is written in the Big Book, “We think we have done well enough in admitting these things to ourselves. There is doubt about that. In actual practice, we usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient.”

I remember these words every time I enter the confessional or repeat this step with another friend.

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous lists eight results from a thorough and honest self-examine or moral inventory, followed by a frank and straightforward talk with another human about your failings and your struggles. They are not insignificant! They are almost too good to be true. But first-hand reports by millions say they have experienced it. I am one of them.

“Once we have taken this step, holding nothing back;”

1. We are delighted.
2. We can look the world in the eye.
3. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease.
4. Our fears fall from us.
5. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator.
6. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have spiritual experience.
7. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly.
8. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.

As Bill Wilson said in the opening quote, this business of self-examine and confession has been around a lot longer than AA, and is practiced in almost every religion in some form. That alone says there must be something to this.

The Examen of St. Ignatius is an ancient technique of prayerful reflection on the events of the day in order to detect God’s presence and discern his guidance and direction for us.

In a similar manner, the tenth step of the twelve-step process encourages the practice of daily moral inventory and where we have done well in service to others, and where we could use some help.

With these practices, one grows from grace to grace and strength to strength in personal freedom and in love and service to others.

And yet, In our modern world of self-autonomy and self-sufficiency and self-satisfaction, and self…self..self, self, it is a practice that no longer has a place in human development. It is considered radical–reserved for the devout, the religious, and the fanatics.

My only response to this presumption is to talk with those who practice self-examine and confession on a regular basis. Better yet, get to know someone who does, and look for the earmarks of an ongoing examined life— the earmarks of a relaxed and peaceful and contented and grateful approach to life. A life that is, paradoxically not inwardly navel gazing but outward looking—looking for ways to be of help.

Yesterday, I entered the confessional burdened with myself, my failures, and my faults. I came out feeling lighter, free from those burdens of “I am not enough, I should be more,”. I stepped out contented, grateful, and happy. I had been reconnected to myself, to God, and to you.

I will no doubt need this practice again in the near future, for the world is a bumpy place with some rough corners, and I tend to run into things as I go along, knocking things and people down along the way. So, I will always get another chance to start over again.

I guess that is what it is to grow from grace to grace and strength to strength, with God on our side. We fall down, we get up, and we learn as we do to help others along the way.

Kind Regards,

Bob